November 2011
2 posts
captain obvious
don: no food for you until you eat!
derrick and kev: ..what?
xiaohan: i guess that's true...
“you can tell the weather by the way it smells. when it’s cold, it smells...”
– ~ xiaohan
June 2011
2 posts
and is she hot?
wendy: went out with him on thursday.
don: who is thursday?
you, me, and our very own subreddit
jimmie: ...and then they went to a reddit meetup.
austin: what's a reddit meetup? is it like they come together to read reddit together?
May 2011
3 posts
“i was putting the 10 dollar bill in my wallet, but then i missed and so it fell...”
– ~ jimmie
“viagra is too expensive. when i get older, i am just going to put my penis in...”
– ~ don
“at least i don’t shoot dust from my boobs.”
– ~ don
March 2011
1 post
also used for cooking.
talking about mattresses
xiaohan: once you go foam, you can't go back.
kev: that doesn't rhyme, therefore it's not true.
xiaohan: once you go foam, you can't go...
kev: you can't rhyme.
xiaohan: once you go foam, you can't go nutmeg.
February 2011
1 post
and then you calculate present value.
xiaohan: yo i totally forgot how to valuate a bond. bombed that interview so hard.
derrick: this is how you valuate a bond; ask him how he likes his martini. if he answers "shaken, not stirred", then you know he's james.
kev: ...
January 2011
1 post
not quite
charles: you should be humble. do you know what humble means?
drew: yah.
charles: what does it mean?
drew: chinese?
December 2010
2 posts
touché, dear
boris: are you going to take your rose? it's been more than 10 months.
wendy: i dunno. what am i going to do with it?
boris: i dunno. i don't want it in my room. i can throw it out.
wendy: haha, but i thought you liked keeping trash in your room.
boris: yeah, that's why i keep asking you to come over.
November 2010
7 posts
“starcraft you, you starcrafting motherstarcrafter!”
– ~ jon’s totally politically incorrect impression of a korean
or maybe it was shaq...
jon: yo, you know the black power ranger? what was his name?
joseph: i dunno... jamaal?
kim & jon & wendy: *laugh hysterically for a full minute*
joseph: well? was it?!
“whatchu guys talking about? pl-pl.. plactice?”
– ~ darren; he tried.
haters gonna hate
while leaving the apartment...
mom: you holding too many things. you're going to lose that bag. secure it or put it in your bag.
wendy: nahh. i'll be fine.
40 minutes later...
wendy: crap. why does mom always have to be right.
unkindergarten
while playing king's cup, rhyme time...
kev: uh.. peanut!
derrick: ...oh fuck.
derrick drinks
shirl: what? that's so easy!
xiaohan: yeah, it rhymes with nutmeg!!
everyone else: what the fuck?!
later...
kev: you know what it rhymes with? magnut.
“dude, i was so clitch that last round! so clitch!”
– ~ xiaohan, on flip cup
October 2010
8 posts
dammit, that's not what i meant
while playing king's cup, rhyme time...
tia: i'm having a really good time.
dimitri: i'd love to have a lime.
shirl: my favourite spice is thyme.
don: oh my, it's slimy.
the ultimate halloween costume
derrick: is that a cat?
wendy (sarcastically): no, it's a dog.
derrick: oo, i love dogs!
“welcome to alzheimersville. population: i don’t remember.”
– ~ kev, not that he can remember his name
“i’m not bitter. and don’t put this in your stupid book dumb blog...”
– ~ chris
well now that you mention it, son...
derrick's dad: hey derrick, it's almost the anniversary of that certain day that led up to your birth.
derrick: oh gross, dad! why would you tell me something like that?!
derrick's dad: wait, what? no, i was talking about our wedding anniversary. because it's tomorrow and such.
derrick: ohhhh... happy anniversary guys!!
mom: *disappointed face*
exceptions
jen: at a distance, nothing and no one and hurt you.
alex: artillery?
i think we're back
rejoice! and check yourself before you wreck yourself.
August 2010
1 post
you're doing it wrong
boris: my arms aren't long enough to show you how much i like you.
wendy: ...are you calling me fat?
July 2010
3 posts
closing time
andrea: *makes a motion to get up* sorry, guys.
derrick: oh, are you going home?
andrea: i.. am home.
derrick: oh.
descendants of the 8-legged uranimal
alex: spiders and scorpions are arachnids because they have 8 legs.
derrick: so does that mean lobsters are also arachnids?
my kind of girl
while playing taboo...
mike: if i have a rash on my neck, who gave it to me?
austin: hickey!
derrick: who is this girl named hickey?
June 2010
1 post
lessons in colour theory
wendy: i can't find my sweater
boris: what colour is it?
wendy: grey.
wendy: oh, here it is.
boris: that's not grey! it's light black!!
May 2010
3 posts
would you like to take a magic carpet ride?
derrick: are you guys free to join me in mac book pro shopping part 2 today?
wendy: kay. warning... ipad + weekend = super busy.
derrick: they are having an ipad promotion?
wendy: no silly, it just came out yesterday in canada.
---
wendy: so then he said, "really. then how come boris had one?"
alex: hahahahaha
wendy: derrick lives in a fantasy land. without news.
alex: i feel derrick will always be able to show me a world... like that aladdin song, just with more pokemon. and incorrect information.
contemporary chivalry
derrick: are you cold?
christie: yes.
derrick: would you like my sweater for your legs?
“you should have photographic hearing.”
– ~ derrick
the hammer is my penis
xiaohan: fourth dimension is time?
derrick: yeah.
asad: yeah, fifth dimension is just retardedness.
don: i've crossed that many times.
April 2010
3 posts
another dimension of excitement
raj: whoa. did you know that you can look at google streetview in 3D?
wendy: what? woww.
vic: that's sick.
elaina: why would you ever want that?
wendy/raj/bram/vic simultaneously: why not?!
--
elaina: streets are already in 3D.
bram: ...not on my screen!!
vic: it's like the fries with the burger. you don't just deny the fries! how could you deny the fries?!
furry linus
derrick: so your porn star name is the combination of your first pet's name and your street name.
austin: i don't think i have a street name. i don't think i was in a gang when i was younger.
March 2010
16 posts
soulja boris tellum
boris: can you do something for me?
wendy: okay?
boris: here, take this.
*boris gives wendy cell phone*
boris while dancing: now kiss me thru the phone, kiss me thru the phone...
“i took a shower in my mind! i don’t smell anymore. smell my mind! smell my...”
– ~ boris
never never land
xiaohan: i'm hoping to evolve my lg tonight...
derrick: does she grow up?
xiaohan: sadly, yes. takes pretty long though. i'm trying to evolve her to child form.
derrick: i would kick you out of my guild.
xiaohan: hahaha why. i'm evolving my lg from a baby to a 10 year old.
derrick: when you fully evolve them, what do they turn out to be?
xiaohan: an adult.
derrick: banned.
xiaohan: oh wait. as of now, the highest it'll evolve is a teenager.
derrick: fine, you are back in.
xiaohan: lol. yes.
*wendy facepalms*
kev: hoping to get an lg tonight
xiaohan: she's my personal loli.
wendy: and what do your girlfriends think?
derrick: being kev's girlfriend, i approve.
promoting diversity
wendy: i see that kay has replaced me as the gaybreaker.
kev: haha, true. guess you weren't good enough. or you're just not dating anyone in their circle of friends right now.
wendy: so?! neither are you!
kev: i'm dating derrick. duh.
“you scared me. so i farted.”
– ~ boris
sparkly aspirations
jess via twitter: sometimes i wish i were taylor swift so i could wear her gorgeous dresses.
alvin: sometimes i wish i were her gorgeous dresses.
no, you starting!
wendy: the gave him a green shirt. haha!
derrick: i think you starting to develop my broken english.
“one thing the world could defin[i]tely do without: pants”
– ~ alvin
“i was hoping the freeness of the coffee would make trick my tastebuds.”
– ~ derrick
pass the tissues!
while watching the oscars...
jennie: omg. precious. i can't watch. i'm going to cry again.
boris: you saw the movie?
jennie: no! just the trailer!
boris/wendy/steve: ...hahahahahahahaha
jennie: =(